I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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