dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
