brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am naked and annoyed.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
