Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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