I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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