How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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