I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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