i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
