what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
