The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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