batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
