I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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