Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
