if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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