Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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