girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
