I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
