YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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