So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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