I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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