theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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