Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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