I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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