Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
