Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
