My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
