Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
