my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
