actually, I'm a sock model
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
