You just made me feel so damn special
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
