Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
