He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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OPIZZABONMYDICK
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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