I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
