So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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