Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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