He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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