I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
