My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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