Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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