I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm too high and old for this...
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