I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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