Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
