That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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