I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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