I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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