Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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