But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think my fart just growled at me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's get the cat blown out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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