ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
