you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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