Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
