Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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