Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
