How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
