Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
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I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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