I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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