I am in a vortex of obligation.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
