And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
