Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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