she was so not down for the gang bang
Don't make out with my wife yet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
