I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
