she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
