I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
