Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
