she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i love accidental penises.
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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