i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
