Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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